Being the Bigger Person?
I wanted to talk about a phenomenon that I have experienced myself, and that I have also witnessed with others. I think there are people out there (myself included!) who might be described as sensitive, who reflect on life and relationships. They tend to want to learn from challenges and grow through life. (And I would add that they may also dislike confrontation.)
In life, inevitably, there are challenging relationships (or aspects of relationships) for everyone – where things don’t go our way, or we are not understood or validated. And maybe there are hurts and slights that offend us, but I’ve noticed something interesting with this group of people, and that is that they tend to rationalize or intellectualize the parts of the relationship that have hurt or offended them. They tend to attempt to get to a place of forgiveness and understanding of the other person. They try to learn their way through and be the bigger person. But in doing that, they also seem to dismiss their own hurt and not give themselves the space or permission to feel angry, sad, frustrated, whatever they need to feel. It's almost as if they have skipped a step.
I believe that forgiveness and understanding are wonderful. They have immense healing powers, but only if you are ready for them. They can’t be forced. If this post sounds familiar to you and you think you might be one of these people, try to trust your feelings and trust your knowing. Allow yourself to go through the entire process of any situation. Feeling the feelings is part of that process. And when you arrive at forgiveness, understanding and learning the lessons, they will be even more genuine and impactful.